GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
