i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
