theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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