In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
