I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
