why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
