My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
your like the ambassador to my penis.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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