How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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