i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
