I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
