my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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