There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
