You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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