we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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