from now on my penis is your penis
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I think my moral compass just broke
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
