We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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