New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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