Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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