We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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