I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
