just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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