Where is the hickey?
the condom got lost in my hair
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
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