My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
