Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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