Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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