I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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