Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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