Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize