She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
