so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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