Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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