I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
