you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
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