How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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