Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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