i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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