it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he thought i was a dude.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He called his prostate his "boner button".
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
