I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Will exercising make me less horny?
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