last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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