Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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