I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize