well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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