Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
