Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
