maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I love you.
Bad choice
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
