This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
