Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
