i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
