Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
