Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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