did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
