Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
