My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
