Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
