It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
