garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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