You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
