I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
