kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
