If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
