The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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