She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
