I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
