hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You don't make any sense
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