Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
