He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
