Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
