The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
