You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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