No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize