how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
