I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
