in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
