in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
