Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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