I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Randomize
