it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
