There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Dignity is for republicans.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize