Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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