so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
