LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
