we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
