Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
