I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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