No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
