what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
