watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
