i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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