How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
