i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
