so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My vagina is officially offended.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
