I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize