Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
