You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
