i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
